After 29 years of marriage and reading numerous books on the secrets of being happily married, I’ve learned there are more ways to a man’s heart than through his stomach…….
(although that is a good start!)
I’ve learned, every man has 3 vital needs:
- The need to feel loved…….romancing and desiring your husband makes him feel valued as a man.
The need to feel understood…..taking the time to listen to his thoughts and dreams without criticism. Proverbs 13:12 says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” Our husbands need for us to believe in them.
The need to feel significant and special….admiring, respecting and encouraging our husband gives him courage and strength. His identity is often wrapped up in what he does, (his vocation) and how well he provides for his family. Giving our husband a pep-talk will do wonders in helping him succeed in life. (Behind every great man is a wonderful woman!) Let him know that he is your hero.
These things bring life and vitality to our husbands.Here are my Be-Attitudes for a Happy Husband:
- Be his cheerleader: “Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Proverbs 16:24
- Be….forgiving and tenderhearted: Say the words “I’m sorry” before bitterness and resentment seep in.
- Be…thankful: This Valentine’s day make a list of 10 things you are thankful for and appreciate about your husband, then remind him the whole year long. Affirm him. Admire him.
- Be ….prayerful: Pray for your husband, his health, protection, joy, peace, your relationship and for his dreams and goals. Pray together everyday for each others needs, and watch your relationship grow stronger.
Be…..lovable: “It is better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome (crabby) wife in a lovely home”. Proverbs 21:9 Would’nt we all rather be around someone who is cheerful and sweet? Keep sweet.Be….the queen: treat him like a king and he will treat you like a queen. “Remember; a stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop….God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.” 2 Corinthians 9:6-7 Be lavish with kind words, hugs, kisses, smiles, his favorite food and other things he loves, and don’t be surprised if he blesses you back!
Be…..specific: don’t ever assume your husband knows what you want. Seriously. Whether he is going to the grocery store, and you are expecting for him to return with a certain brand of something, or your birthday is around the corner and you are hoping for a cute new Brighton purse. As the Italian’s say…fugettaboutit! Trust me on this, or you just might be gifted with a scratchy-mauve-colored-polyester jogging-suit. Okay, first of all….. I don’t do mauve, (not a good color for me) secondly…a jogging suit? fugettaboutit! “Jogging” and I don’t really match. In other words…I’m not a joggy kind of girl. This happened many years ago, and, by the way, I did receive the gift graciously. Gary now knows that cash for a shopping spree is always a good choice, Bless his heart! Make it easy for him to please you by handing him a specific written list, whatever it is, (just telling him won’t do the trick, men cannot retain all of our details….and you know how detail-oriented we are girls! ) You will save yourself a lifetime of arguments and hurt feelings.Be….. his Friday night date: hire a babysitter, give her the job of caring for your kids on a set night each week. Gary and I did this for many years and I believe it had a lot to do to with keeping our marriage strong. It gives you something fun to look forward to and it allows you the freedom to enjoy each others company. Be…irresistable and dreamy: look your best for him.Think back, when you were first dating, how you would fix yourself up for him. Keep it up girls! A little lipstick (I’m thinkin’ Candy Store Pink), glimmering rosey blush on the cheeks, and black mascara to play up your eyes, go a long way to perk up a pale, tired face…hey, if the barn needs paintin’…and believe me, mine needs plenty O’ paint! Check out Benefit Cosmetics for something sassy and new to try. And of course….. a little somethin’-somethin’ from Victoria’s Secret also works.
Be…fun: laugh together! Watch funny movies or T.V. shows together. Come on! Go have some fun why don’t ya!….play miniture golf….go get ice-cream (or in my case…Andy’s Frozen Custard!)…go fishing….put on some snazzy music and dance….go outside and throw some snowballs….play tag…go for a walk…go for a drive…stop at Starbucks…hold hands.
Be….faithful: your romantic affections and flirting belong to your husband only.
“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” Proverbs 14:1
Be….realistic: we are responsible for our own happiness. Our husband cannot fulfill all of our needs. He wasn’t created to. There is a place in our heart that only God can fill. “Seek the Kingdom of God, above all else, and He will give you everything you need.” Luke 12:31. As women, we also need the friendship and fellowship of other women. We need girl-talk, something a man can’t do. So make time to be with your girlfriends, and give your husband space to do things he enjoys. Be….nurturing: throw away the attitude of “If he wants something, he can get it himself”. If you are fixing iced-tea or pouring a cup of coffee, ask him if he would like some….fix him his favorite snack……give him a neck rub….small acts of kindness warm the heart in a big way. Treat him the way you would want to be treated.
The secret of being lovely is being unselfish~Holland
Marriage has it’s ups and downs, good days and sad days, happy and mad days. It’s a continual process of loving, giving, helping, and forgiving. These words of advice I’ve shared with you are not always easy to do, but they are standards to strive for. Believe me, there are many days I fall way short. I need to work on my Be-Attitudes daily!!! But I know God will honor and bless us when we honor and bless our husband.
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 Let’s model for our children, how to love our spouse, because whether we like it or not, they are taking notes, which they will refer to one day, when they meet the love of their life.
Girls, have a delightful and sparkly Valentines Day!
And Happy Valentines day to my hero…my husband Gary.
Thanks for stopping by for pie.